ChocoPro #300: Day 1 (11/3/23) Review
How Have There Been 300 Of These?
Front Matter
The images used in these reviews are linked to the Twitter account responsible for them: simply click through to bring up the original post. If you are a photographer whose image I have used here, and you do not grant me permission to reproduce your work, please let me know (Twitter: @FlupkeDiFlupke) and I will remove it. Thanks!
写真家さん、ここにイメージが写すことが許可しなければ聞いて下さって私は大至急除きます (ツイターの @FlupkeDiFlupke です)。ありがとうございます！
Subscribe now!
Subscribe to Marshmallow Bomb for free to receive all our posts direct to your inbox, or donate $5 a month to access the full archive. A portion of every subscription supports Amazon Frontlines, an organisation dedicated to working with Indigenous peoples to defend their way of life, the Amazon rainforest, and our climate future.
When Emi Sakura announced Gatoh Move would be putting on the first ChocoPro (which was headlined by Balliyan Akki vs Minoru Suzuki) in the early days of the pandemic, I don’t think anyone would have predicted that it would still be going 300 episodes later. At the time, it felt like a stopgap, something to fill the short period when wrestling crowds weren’t possible. If we’d known what was to come, I suspect most of us would have, with no joy, predicted that Gatoh Move would be one of the companies to struggle to survive. Thankfully, though, we would have been wrong. Not only was ChocoPro not a stopgap, but 300 shows later, it’s still going strong and has done some magical things in that time. It’s not what it was, there are fans in attendance now, and it’s a while since it’s had the excitement around it that it did at its peak, but it’s still capable of brilliance. Would their two-day 300-episode celebration prove that? Let’s find out!
COLORS (SAKI & Yuko Sakurai) defeated Black Comaneci (Antonio Honda & Tokiko Kirihara)
If you want to talk about ChocoPro’s successes, you need only look at Black Comaneci. Back at the start of 2020, I don’t think anyone would have predicted Tokiko Kirihara becoming part of a tag team that feels like it has beamed down from a different planet armed with a skewed perception of what humanity is. Yet, here we are. They’re not only among us but have become one of the great things about current-day ChocoPro, regularly delivering nonsense-filled matches that I can’t help but love.
And this was no different. After both teams sang themselves to the ring (the COLORS’ pairing also had a dance routine), this quickly descended into chaos. Mei Suruga, who was on ref duty, was charging around the place, completely failing to keep up with what was happening as Honda and Otoki dove into their bag of props, unleashing their incredibly bizarre (and hilarious) offence on SAKI and Yuko. In turn, the COLORS’ team proved a fantastic foil, selling their bafflement and frustration well. When facing Black Comaneci, your job is less to wrestle and more to react to the rollercoaster you’ve been dragged aboard.
Of course, if you’re not a fan of this stuff, there is zero chance this will be the match to change your mind. There is nonsense wrestling that can appeal to everyone, as it sprinkles the absurd through a more traditional match structure, but Honda and Otoki aren’t interested in that. They’re going to beat you around the head with silliness, and if you don’t laugh, that’s your problem. If you are willing to go with them, though, you’ll have a lovely time.
Verdict: A Nonsensical Start
Tae Honma defeated Sayaka Obihiro
Sayaka Obihiro is an incredibly underrated wrestler. I’m not talking about the kind of underrated where everyone agrees you’re great, and then you win awards for being so. Obi is the kind of underrated where the people who vote for those awards haven’t heard of her. She’s a unique, somewhat weird talent who will only ever be appreciated by a tiny minority.
And when you give Obi the right opponent, you can almost guarantee greatness. Thankfully, Tae Honma is the right opponent. There was an edge to this, characterised by the stiff blows they exchanged throughout. In the cramped confines of Chocolate Square, it’s obvious when you’re pulling your strikes, so they laid into each other, chops and forearms ringing out. When combined with Tae catching Obi in submissions over the window frame, it gave this match an unexpected intensity, transforming it into a fantastic wee battle to prove who was best.
While Tae would come out on top and is a brilliant wrestler in her own right, I want to stick to celebrating Obi. She’s a lynchpin of Gatoh Move, unappreciated by most (including, at least in kayfabe, Emi Sakura at times) and yet is still chugging away, being reliably brilliant. She is the type of wrestler who will never let you down but will never get what she deserves.
Verdict: Give Obi More Love
BestBest Bros (Baliyan Akki, Mei Suruga & May Suruga) defeated Choun Shiryu, Sawasdee Kamen & Shin Suzuki
May Suruga and her Best Bro, Baliyan Akki, are here! There’s also some wee goblin lass standing next to them, but I don’t know who that is. I’m sure someone will explain.
Ken Ohka deciding that he is Mei Suruga is one of those bits that could only really happen in ChocoPro. In another company, it might have been a one or two-show thing, but in Ichigaya, it can go on for months, leading to promos where Chie bursts into tears of frustration because he won’t admit that he is, in fact, not Mei. Now it’s got to the point where they’re teaming together, both making their entrance sporting Mei’s trademark wings and looking virtually indistinguishable. Who is the real one? Smarter people than me will have to figure that out.
Outside of that strand, this was the kind of six-person tag where Gatoh Move has always excelled. A chaotic clusterfuck (in the best sense of the word) that never takes a second to breathe. In the likes of Choun Shiryu, you have someone who is not only a good performer but knows how to get the best out of Chocolate Square. On top of that, most of these wrestlers have interacted countless times, meaning a myriad of continuing stories ran through the action. My favourite was Mei Suruga (the small one) and Sawasdee Kamen’s surprising hate for each other, fuelled by Mei’s repeated assertions that he is not a real hero.
Incredibly, it ended with Akki and May hitting a Dolphin Press, which was genuinely impressive. That move is cool when it’s Mei, never mind when it’s a lad the size of Ohka, and it was a fitting finish to something that was a whole lot of fun. This kind of match will never be the weightiest or have any real, long-lasting consequences, but it was an absolute blast to watch, and the fans in attendance certainly seemed to have a lovely time. Two thumbs up from me!
Verdict: A Blast
CDK (Masa Takanashi & Chris Brookes) defeated Orepan (Chie Koishikawa & Sayaka) to retain the Asia Dream Tag Team Titles
If Orepan were going to win this match, they had to play a near-perfect game. Brookes and Masa have held onto those Asia Dream Tag Titles for over a year, and there is a reason for that. They’re a potent pairing, seemingly perfectly in sync, and, as a general rule, Chris Brookes does not lose matches in Ichigaya Chocolates Square. Chie and Sayaka’s chances weren’t non-existent, but they were slim.
However, if there is one thing you can say about Orepan, it’s that they’re not the types to go down easy. Chie’s boundless energy and Sayaka’s seemingly unflappable confidence are a defiant mix, and with the chance to do something special, they battled to the end. It was a match where they had to take their opportunities, whether it be Masa tweaking his knee when leaping from the window frame or Chie managing to plant Brookes with a Tornado DDT (one of several moves straight from the Lulu Pencil vs Brookes feud), and there was an urgency to everything they did. They understood that if they were going to win, they couldn’t miss the smallest opening.
Sadly, though, it wasn’t enough. Chie and Sayaka pushed CDK all the way, at one point grasping hands while locked in simultaneous submissions, willing each other on to survive, but CDK always found a way to escalate things. It got to the point where Brookes was leaving footprints on Sayaka’s face and spiking her with Piledrivers, amping things up to levels of violence you rarely see in ChocoPro, and Orepan had no answer. By the time he locked her in a particularly gnarly submission, leaning all the way back to test her flexibility, the tap was inevitable. There was nothing else she could do.
Still, even in defeat, Sayaka and Chie can be proud of this match. They gave it their everything, and while they didn’t win, it was the kind of performance that will be remembered. You can’t always overcome the odds, but if you can make them look like they should have been a lot shorter than they were, then that’s its own kind of victory.
Verdict: Orepan’s Day Will Come!
The true main event, the janken tournament, was as thrilling as ever. Chie made an exhausted run to what people thought was the final, only to lose to Antonio Honda at the last hurdle. However, as Anton and Otoki started the celebration, the big man strolled up to crush their dreams, Minoru Fujita (who was on guest announcer duty) skipping the rest of the pack to steal it at the death. One regular day of ChocoPro Janken Tournaments. That’s all I ask for.
Overall Show
Day one of ChocoPro’s 300th show celebrations was a roaring success. It gave me everything I could ask for from one of these: a nonsense opener, a sneaky great single match, a chaotic six-man and a big emotional main event. I don’t pay as much to Choco as I used to, but it still means a lot to me, and there isn’t anything else like it. It’s a special wee place, and, if nothing else, it’s great to see them putting on a show like this in front of a packed room.
You can watch all of Gatoh Move and ChocoPro’s shows on their YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@gatohmove